First time mum/referee/ sleeve snot wiper to a wild toddler. Designated household bum changer. Blogging about this motherhood malarkey from a refreshingly honest and unfiltered perspective.

The Perfect Family Bravado and its Bullshit

You've seen it haven't you?
The over posed family portrait Emily just updated on her Facebook, Instagram and any other account where EVERYONE can be witness to the truly fucking rosy life of The Jenkins'.

Clearly devised and orchestrated by Mum who insists a new family photo, "For the album!" on any and every outing that must be shared to the awaiting social media audience to update that life is still tip top.

The beaming smiles, mum who gives 'the look' that warns of the consequences should a chuckle slightly falter. Dad who boars the same expressionless demeanor evidently drowning out the Wife's perpetual nagging by dreaming of a cold beer, the Saturday night game and Rachel from work. The stroppy kid with the sullen eyes who would rather be anywhere else, yanked under Dad's arm and the youngest, with the adoring, genuine gleam, smothered by the mother's choking embrace.
Linked together, grins locked in position till their cheeks ache and the constant muttering through gritted teeth as Gran  deciphers the mobile phone enigma and they undergo the forty take process to get the perfect shot to broadcast their full proof unit.

1, 2, smile exuberantly for the fictitious distortion.

I've spoken to several people as we confer over Jennifer's daily inane, spamming of family photos on Instagram, who feel disappointed, dejected that they don't appear to be living the same sickly theatrics.
Often confused and wondering why they don't fit into the category of the fairy tale sham, instead feeling tired, irritated, and trying to glue together their crumbling household.

Life doesn't work like that, and more often that not, the ones you see spending their time pouring out photo after photo, or writing long posts about just how comically splendid life is are, quite frankly, living in their own bubble of fantasy and inability to accept reality.

And about Tina, who keeps posting those cringe worthy snaps of her man, Jake and speels about how he really is just sooo wonderful, how did she ever get so lucky to be lumbered with such a gentleman, a real eleven out of ten guy - they've spent most of their 'perfect' morning at each others throats quarreling over anything that can cause a fight and are on the edge of messy divorce proceedings.

Or Lucy and Michael who blow up with the raw photos of a changed, complete world now they are a family of three. How in love they are, how excited, how magnificent, how could it get any better?
Away from the camera, there is a never ending 'who did more today?' contest, he sleeps on the couch most nights, they squabble invariably over who did how many night feeds, and how damn hard was it for him to just clean up after himself, fueled by coffee and the rage that followed sleep deprivation.

So before you are washed with misery over the perfect family, the doting husband, or the loving wife, just remember that you are only getting a glimpse into what you have been selected to see. That the photo of the family oozing nauseating delight at the regular Sunday dinner is just a facade solely performed to hide the spreading cracks. 

It's bullshit. Complete and utter, sickening....

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