First time mum/referee/ sleeve snot wiper to a wild toddler. Designated household bum changer. Blogging about this motherhood malarkey from a refreshingly honest and unfiltered perspective.

It Gets Better (Really, it does..)

Hey you! Yeah you.. New mum, young mum, older mum, or third time around mum, how are you feeling? Are you in that thick fog of euphoria, disarray and pure exhaustion? Are you feeling tearful and a little overwhelmed? Is the thought of another day alone with the baby one you dread and are you consumed with guilt for that very thought? Is the reflux merciless? Do you feel like it's never getting any easier?

Well, I wanted to let you know, that it's okay. You're doing just fine, and it does get better.
Because, although you won't believe me, you need to hear it.
I remember those days. God, they were hard. Tiring. Chaotic. Lonely. A complete blur. I remember the thoughts that crowded my mind: I'm failing, I can't do this. I'm a shit mum. My baby deserves better than my poor attempt at parenting. I'm doing it all wrong. Fuck, I'm so tired. Why is this so hard? Why the hell won't he just sleep? Why is he crying again?

I was so anxious in the beginning that it made me feel so tired but I was also so crippled with anxiety that I couldn't sleep. I remember crying because it was all so intense - the delight, the fear, the wonder all combined into a snowball of frenzy pelting me right in the gut.
Those early stages can feel relentless and a little hysterical. Adjusting to a tiny human is hard. The lack of sleep. The feeding on demand. The pressure to 'get it right'. That feeling like you've lost yourself. The loneliness and monotony of it all.

You can have the baby room painted. You can have the cot built, the teeny tiny outfits washed and folded ready for wear. You can have every essential organised but nothing can prepare you for the whirlwind that is motherhood.

You may be doubting your own ability, questioning if you are up to the job. I know it feels a lot tougher than first anticipated. It can sometimes seem like you're suffocating. It can feel overwhelming and constant. There is no parenting manual, no right or wrong. Figuring it out as you go is how it goes. It's not easy, we don't always get it right so don't feel defeated. Don't compare yourself to the mum at baby and toddler group who has breastfeeding hacked. Do not question your own strength and capability just because some days are too tough to bare. Don't criticize your own parenting style because someone else does it differently to you. 

Whether you are pleading for just one decent nights sleep or concocting a plan for your partners sudden demise because he has peacefully snored through the babies cry for boobs at 4am again. Whether it's  another day spent on your own or another day of a baby that can't be soothed because they're teething or there's a bloody growth spurt again. If you are trying to juggle feeding twins and making the school run. If you just feel like hiding in the other room and drowning out the world with the TV because the crying is unremitting. If you're feeling frustrated that your toddler won't listen or because the demands are round-the-clock...

I want to let you know that it does get easier. It gets better and I know you're probably tired of hearing words that appear to have empty meaning, but, really, it does. The baby will eventually stop clinging to you. They'll begin to need milk less and sleep longer. You'll be able to put them down for more than 5 seconds because they'll sooth themselves and feel comforted just by the soft hum of your voice rather than depending on your routine rocking around the room. They'll become more independent and you will begin to associate their cries with their specific needs. You will begin to feel a lot less like a caffeinated mombie and a lot more like YOU. Eventually, it will mellow.

Never doubt what an incredible job you are doing each and every day. Your little one(s) are a testimony to that.
And one day, whether it is weeks or months from now, you will feel a soft nudge on your arm and their sleepy smile will waken you and this immense feeling of love and gratitude will cradle your heart. You will understand that all the tears and all the sleepless nights, all the time outs and all the hard days will have lead you to this point. And every doubt, every struggle, every feeling of failure will dissipate. There will be no room in your heart for anything other than the devotion for the child beaming back at you.

They will not scrutinize or critique your personal parenting methods. They will not deem you a bad mum because you caved to a McDonald's every so often to keep them content. They will not bash you for your decision to no longer breastfeed or because you sent them to Grans when you were in desperate need of some time away to feel like your old self.
They will not hold you to that time when all you could do was make sure they were fed and changed, because it was the best you could give.
They will look at you and all they will feel is innocent adoration. You are their person. Their safe haven. Their whole, entire world.

You will eventually recognize that you did it all, even when it felt like you couldn't. Even when you were lured into the convincing illusion it would never get easier. When all seemed hopeless. You made it through those lonely days and testing, sleepless nights.

You did, and continue to do, just beautifully.

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