First time mum/referee to a wild toddler. Self confessed rum enthusiast. Aspiring writer but hell of a procrastinator. Blogging about Mental Health and this motherhood malarkey from a refreshingly honest perspective.

It's Not A Reflection of You

We've all been through a heartbreak, a loss, an unrequited relation of some kind or other. We've all experienced feelings for someone which aren't reciprocated. Several have felt abandoned by a parent, or someone they looked up too. Many of us have felt the sting of rejection by a partner, lover or friend.

We have been confronted with the confusion and the hurt, the disappointment when it didn't turn out as expected. Wallowed in the rejection, abandonment and despair, that feeling like you have been thrown to the side like a broken toy, lived and relived every scenario out in your head and questioned, What's wrong with me? Was it something I did? How couldn't they feel the way I did? Why wasn't I good enough?

 I have felt the absence of arms, of unhealthy relationships, an absent "father" (notice inserted commas) and I have allowed it to swallow me up. I have poured my soul into so many people and felt devastated by the (sometimes anticipated) rejection when they up and left. Then again, I have also condemned myself by expecting too much from people who give too little. I have depended on something I have felt safe in, forgetting how devastating it can be when it is not always returned, "I love you, please take care of me. Don't leave me," is not exactly a healthy way of forming secure relationships (of any kind) and a sure recipe for disaster (tried and tested... one time too many).

When people leave unexpectedly, when relationships fizzle out, the first, most (apparent) logical, thing to do, seems to be to project the blame on yourself because it obviously had to be something you did:
"It's my fault they cheated because I didn't show them enough attention. I didn't look my best all the time so they went and found something better."
"It's my own doing they broke my heart because I openly let them in when I knew I was never good enough to begin with."
"I'm undeserving of love because I'm worthless."

It's not you, it's not a reflection of your worth or what you deserve. 
You may feel anger as though you were somehow the architect for this disaster. You let your guard down, let somebody in so it's your own fault for willingly placing your heart in the care of someone else, knowing they could break it.
It's not you, it was nothing you did.

If you were rejected or betrayed by someone, then it is simply a representation of themselves, it is issues they hadn't yet figured out or dealt with and therefore have attempted to work it out through you, intentionally or not.
If you were replaced with someone else, it's not because you weren't good enough or because you were any less, some people are just not compatible, some things just don't work out as hoped.
If a love burns out, it's not because you couldn't keep them or because you were unworthy, some things just reach their end, you grew with each other and then grew out each other. 

You let your heart do what it is supposed to do; love, feel. Don't shut possibility out because of past hurt. 
I'm so glad I didn't close my heart to possibility. I'm so grateful the bitterness melted away and replaced itself with hope. 
Leave your heart open to the potential of new experiences and a new, refreshing sense of love and life. I promise you it will be worth the heartache you may gave along the way.

2 comments

  1. Beautifully written! I used to feel so alone and unlovable. It took a lot of time and a lot of work, but now I know that what you say is very true. Now, I know better. Some people, are clueless to the impact of their words and actions, and sometimes people just grow apart. But, there was never anything wrong with me or them to begin with. Thank you for sharing!

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    1. Thank you so much. You are so very welcome, thank YOU for taking the time to read!

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