First time mum/referee/ sleeve snot wiper to a wild toddler. Designated household bum changer. Blogging about this motherhood malarkey from a refreshingly honest and unfiltered perspective.

One of those Days

Today was one of those days. You know those days? When absolutely everything is pissing you off. When your toddler deems it acceptable to whine and screech in your ear at anything and everything. When you basically had to wrestle them into eating the dinner you lovingly prepared by near enough shoving the spoon down their throat. When you can't even enjoy the privacy of a thirty second bathroom trip without the thud of marching feet following suit. Or being unable to brew a hot cuppa without mini me shadowing EVERY. SINGLE. MOVE. When you're having to silently remind yourself to keep breathing and count to ten when you witness the yoghurt massacre that has been wiped all over the just polished table. 

Today was one of those days. You know those days? When you just wanted to indulge in the relaxation of a hot shower. To do the simple basics (now considered a luxury as a parent) of conditioning your hair and shaving BOTH legs (not even a hint of an exaggeration there) without little chocolate covered fingers smearing Kinder Bueno all over the shower windows. When all you hear is the bellow of, "Ma! Ma! Mama! Muuum!" for the entire duration you're awake.

Today was one of those days. You know those days? When the child was up more than he was asleep the previous night. When I tossed and turned and fidgeted in the hope of some reasonable type of snooze to no success to spend the day with eyes stinging with tiredness and the knowledge that bedtime was a lifetime away with not even a secure promise of a full nights sleep to reach for. 

It can feel extremely frustrating, draining, tedious... So many words we could pull from the "A Mum's Daily Emotions" thesaurus to explain the exhaustion in its entirety. It's understandable to feel a niggling irritability with the pressures and monotony of the everyday.
However, when I'm exasperated and ready for sacrificing a goat for the savour of a 7pm bedtime and five minutes of sacred peace, I'm abruptly winded by the guilt (good old mum guilt.)
It reminds me quite transparently, how quickly the time passes. How I can barely recall the 9 months of pregnancy before it sped passed, now only snippets I can scrape together. How the days of newborn euphoria and sleepy cuddles scurried away so quickly I was barely able to soak it in. I can only piece together those months in blurry fragments and god, how I miss them. How I resent how little I cherished them. Why I wish I could steal time and relive it all just more one time. It humbles and reminds me that this won't last forever. These dreamy yet exhausting years will scarper from me with a simple blink and I'll be desperate to steal them back. The bad melts with the good, the sleep deprived nights, the tantrum filled days, the weeks where my toddler is stuck to me like glue or insistent to follow me everywhere, these will all be moments that, five, ten years from now, I'll be sitting reminiscing over. When I'm flicking through the photo albums of those first few fleeting years, and my heart sinks, feeling that little bit heavier with the longing to relive those days, and yet, feeling slightly emptier once more knowing that I can't get them back. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, of course we can't feel expected to cherish every second. Why would we? Parenting can be SHIT sometimes. Toddlers are arseholes. You can't begin to comprehend the meaning of 'me time' anymore, the closest equivalent being a shopping trip without the kids. You're constantly made to feel like everything you do is wrong and every "judge" has an opinion on every parenting method you exercise. Though I do feel like it's so important to try and appreciate the little things whenever you possibly can, as much as you, even if it's feels impossible, even when seemingly insignificant - that last night cuddle, the toothless little grins, the baby babbles and even the disaster of enduring soft play on a weekend because one day, we're going to look back & wish we had appreciated it just a little percent more.

1 comment

  1. ❤ one of THOSE days ��
    Hope the yoghurt massacre has ended!


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